Citizens of Earth! Please, do not be afraid!
I come from a small green home on Edgemore Avenue. There I live in the basement, below my now elderly parents. I have been observing you and your kind for many years, primarily through the shades of my bedroom window and on the television set. Understand, I mean you no harm. I only seek to learn more of your strange earthling ways.
Your customs intrigue me. The casual and lighthearted nature of your conversations, the cultural references you so frequently employ to elicit laughter, the way you will sometimes pat another human on the back to display affection and foster an atmosphere of warmth. These behaviors are entirely foreign to me. For instance, how do you keep yourself from shifting nervously all the time?
Please, do not stare directly into my eyes! You are making me very uncomfortable! Look away, humans! Look away!
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